“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” — Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
You may have heard or read the phrases such as “you are what you think”, “you are what you do”, “you are what you eat”. Let us examine if these sentences hold true in the big picture.
We all feel useless or worthless at some point in our lives. Self-doubt is a regular visitor, it spares no one, not even the high achievers. Self-doubt or self-judgement can be a result of many factors. Here we will talk about the one which creeps in because of temporary self-perceptions.
When you take care of your physical body by exercising or recreation you will also be mentally fulfilled. Your judgment will also be clear when you are mentally fulfilled. That is because you have fulfilled your basic psychological need. That is why it is very important to heal yourself from past hurts or insecurities. Being ignored or neglected or abused in childhood can have a negative impact on your present and also your future. I wrote an article on the need to forgive yourself, frequently, please read it. Your ability to think clearly and make healthy decisions depend on you to be both mentally and emotionally available in the present.
High self-esteem puts an individual in a creative state. You see, when you have taken care of your health both physically and mentally, then you can be in a position to observe with objectivity, without any emotional need. Then you can make healthy choices that are based on logic and in alignment with what you want for your future. When you are in such a state, the behaviour of others, however negative, will have little impact on your mood and behaviour. An African proverb says, “When there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm”.
Maybe you have done something that you shouldn’t have done, is illegal or immoral. Maybe it was something that hurts your own feelings or the feelings of others. It may be you lost money because you made some bad financial decisions. , or maybe you thought a negative or potentially harmful thought and you are feeling guilty or ashamed. In such a position, you will be feeling guilty or unworthy, and you will be unfulfilled.
In an unfulfilled state, you may feel ashamed or worthy of only a few things and unworthy of other things. You may even become resentful, arrogant, and vengeful. And when you are in a defensive (stressful) mood, any trivial issue or behaviour of others is going to trigger a negative and sometimes a harmful response from you. When you look back later you will regret it because you didn’t want or mean to do that.
Remember, words are just words. Thoughts are simply thoughts. Actions are either effective or non-effective based on universal laws, but actions are just that, actions. These things do not define you. Those things are outside of you. Thoughts and feelings come and go. They are passers-by, like the weather. They may let you see at what personal growth level you are in your life right now. But future growth is more important. Do not let your past define your future. Your success or failure do not define you. They say, ‘do not be too happy with success and do not be too sad with failure’, why? Because these things are fleeting in nature.
The outside environment stimulates your thoughts and then according to your thoughts, your emotions came into being. Your emotions are a chemical or biological reaction to the thoughts that you think of just a moment before those emotions start to make you feel. Your actions came into being because you want to get something done as a result of your thoughts or emotions. They remain detached from you that is, they are not you, nor should you let anyone, especially yourself, define you by your actions. Thoughts, feelings and actions are what they are, not attached to you or identified with you, or anyone else for that matter.
“Hate the crime but not the criminal”. My question is, if that is applicable to others then why can it not be applicable to you? We do not need to identify or label people based on the emotions that they feeling or expressing even if they do that most of the time. But the mainstream media purported it, like “the angry young man”. It is much better to think “anger got the better of me”, or “I lost my cool”, by saying that, at least you are recognizing that you are not, in your best self, angry. And by saying that, you give yourself a bit of personal power and in future, and that bit will compound in future. You are most likely to become aware next time the anger emotion starts to build up.
Bad habits are formed when we are not conscious of our thoughts and actions. So you see, sayings like “you are what you think”…you eat… etc., hold true only for a moment, because you can change your thoughts, any moment. It’s not easy if you are a beginner. But with practice and having a higher purpose, you will be in control of your thoughts.
Regardless of what you have thought, felt, said or done, you remain you. Be conscious of your thoughts and actions and you will form good habits. And you are capable of bringing so much internal change and outside accomplishments that even you are not aware of.
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