“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world,
he is responsible for everything he does. It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”
― Jean-Paul Sartre
Sometimes, we feel stuck in life, like we don’t feel like we are in the right place or we are not in control of our lives.
We all feel stuck from time to time. But, if you think that you are in the wrong job, remember, YOU are in the wrong job. It is not the job that is wrong because it can be right for many other people. And it is you who needs to recognize that. And it is you who needs to take action to change it, not change the company or Organisation. Once you have identified that it is the wrong job or company for you, it is futile to try to change it in any way.
If you see that there is no scope for growth and contribution then there is no use to spend another month in that company. This is because there is so much that you can do in a month to create a better future for yourself. You change yourself, you change your awareness that there are better companies that suit your skills or talents or that there are other avenues to explore.
In the past, having too much information due to the internet affected my days and my temperament. Most of the I was not giving quality time to myself, my kids and my family. I was stuck and still do from time to time. But I had been always ambitious. I also had a few good habits at the time, like exercising regularly, reading non-fiction books. My search for the truth, living effectively and asking ‘what is the secret to success?’ never went away. Big personalities and great leaders have always inspired me.
As I mentioned earlier, giving up is not in my blood. Resilience is one thing that I’ve been known for since childhood and I keep it to this day. It has saved me many times from becoming depressed. And one thing that has always stayed deep in my subconscious mind is the fact that I am 100 percent responsible for the results that I am getting in my life. It is also the reason I joined the military, in the year 2000, while I was still in college pursuing graduation. For me, it was not that I really fancied, I didn’t know much about the military. There was no one whom I know from childhood to be in the military. But I wanted financial independence because of what I read in a book titled Make Self Reliance Your Target by George Kaitholil.
A sentence in the book read that ‘it is a sin for a person above 18 years old to depend on his or her parents’. That sentence hit me hard on my head and it immediately got to my heart.
By around 2013 I had already stopped watching TV especially the news. I find it disturbing to see real-time violence and betrayal and blame game and heated debate about which I could do nothing except feeling victimised. And I found that it only ruins my temper and further escalated my ‘overthinking’ mind. I still enjoy movies to this day, once in a while, because I know they are enacted, (even though some are based on true stories). Slowly I also stopped reading the newspaper of the day because of the same reason. I sometimes read a week-old newspaper so I know the bad news did not happen yesterday, which cause less anxiety in me. And somehow I needed to know what was happening around me.
I found out much later, that I am one of those ‘highly sensitive people or HSPs. About 20 percent of the population belong to that category of highly sensitive people. I neither feel ashamed nor proud of it. But it was one of those ‘aha’ moments that explained a lot regarding some of my best and worst experiences. Those experiences were not common among my friends and colleagues.
You see, if you are sensitive, almost everything around you is amplified. A noise that is normal to most people is too loud for you, your sense of smell is amplified, heat and cold affect you first, you notice small changes in room arrangements and appearances of others. However, the most powerful of all is the sense of other people’s emotions. This can make or break you at times. For me, as a defence mechanism, I decided early on that come what may, I will be bigger than anything that life throws at me.
Sometimes, being sensitive to others’ emotions puts you in a difficult and sometimes awkward position. Because you know how others are feeling. Long before anyone else, a sensitive person can sense that an argument is about to happen or is going out of control. And they also understand both sides of arguments because of their strong empathy. I wanted to avoid a conflict of any type, I want to be a peacemaker. But that sometimes ruined my position among friends, by supporting the underdog or the “other” side. The fact of the matter is, it didn’t matter to me who is right, because to me both are right in their own way. And I just wanted peace. Sometimes it can cost friendships because you are perceived as someone who lacks loyalty. And sometimes the accusation is valid and that breaks my heart more than anything.
Like anyone, I needed friends or someone who understands me. These I could only find in the most matured and old people and, and sometimes through the internet. I wanted to watch or read or hear what I wanted, where I wanted and when I wanted. Since I found what I wanted on the internet and books, I couldn’t live without a broadband connection or books. These self-care habits slowly got me back on track. From watching motivational YouTube channels to reading motivational stuff on Pinterest and books. And I noticed that, by doing so, they keep my mind clear of any of the things that are out of my control. Gradually I came to realise this has helped me a lot in keeping a clear mind and a clear conscience.
With every coming days and week, I was able to notice things that people miss, like subtle body language, tone of other people’s voice, other subtle manipulations that people knowingly or unknowingly use to get what they want. I mean we all do from time to time, but now I was able to see those more often than not. When your mind is not distracted, you notice a lot of things. This made me more aware of myself and it made me more confident to deal with my weaknesses. From then on, things became clearer, and I was able to control some parts of my life.
As long as we think that our life is the result of factors outside of control we will not take the necessary steps to make changes and nothing changes unless there is a change in the way we think, act and do. It is naive to expect it to be so. Except for natural calamities, we are responsible for the results that we are getting in our life. From money to relationships, to job to our mental and physical health. Nothing is a one-time event: everything is a process.
“The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
To those looking from outside or to those not involved, an event looks like an event (start and finish). To those involved, it is not an event. They have been preparing for that, mentally, emotionally and physically for days, months or even years. Rehearsals and final rehearsals, only the audience, spectators, attendees are different or detached or added up to the event. Think about a stage drama, a wedding, a concert, the Olympic games, a movie…etc, the list goes on. The same goes for any personal achievement.
The world sees only the tip of the iceberg, the crowning achievement, the prize distribution, the Grammy awards, Oscar winners. A winner wins because he has been preparing. He has spent his efforts using his mind and body, stretching his limits, day in and day out, despite his moods, or the weather. Those involved (winners) are responsible for the event that the world sees. If the event is successful they take the credit and if it fails also take the blame and learn the lesson. Therefore, take full responsibility for the results that you are getting in your life. This is the first step to personal growth, this is the first step to change.
Taking personal responsibility becomes more important when you have your own family. You have to be a leader in your personal life first before you can lead a family. When I got married and had children, it slowly dawned on me. It is something that I could never get away with, BUT it is also freedom knowing I AM in charge of your life.
Please let know what you think of this, does it relate to you in some way? Write in the comments.
“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”
― Anne Frank